Single Men Reveal The Dating Advice They're Sick Of Hearing, And As A Woman, I Had No Idea

A lot of the conversation around dating advice focuses on what women are sick of hearing, and there's plenty of it. From "it'll happen when you least expect it" to "maybe your standards are too high," single women are constantly being handed clichés by their happily coupled-up friends .

But what about men? What advice are they repeatedly given, despite never asking for it?

While women sit around at brunch being told to be less picky, we have no idea what men are being told in a very different room. Do they get dating advice with the same frequency that women do?

According to Tom Stroud , a speaker, content creator and Shoulder to Shoulder Men's Community co-founder, dating advice differs greatly between men and women. "I can't help but feel women are taught to evaluate men, with questions like: Is he being present? Does he mean what he says? Can he handle a hard conversation?" Stroud explains. "Whereas men are taught to perform — you have to project confidence, don't show your hand too early, stay unbothered."

Stroud continued: "The idea that being emotionally expressive, or that sharing your feelings, is weak is one of the most damaging lies men are sold, and it's reductive. It takes far more courage to be honest about how you feel about someone."

We decided to find out, asking single men which pieces of dating advice they're simply sick of hearing. If you're happily coupled up and reading this, stop saying these things to your single friends . Don't worry, though — we also spoke to a dating expert to find out what you should be telling them instead.

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What dating advice are single men sick of hearing?

First off, let's find out the advice Stroud used to always receive before he met his current partner.

"I used to get told to go on as many dates as I could, spread my surface area as wide as possible, and the right person will turn up eventually," he revealed. "It turned dating into a numbers game and meant I wasn't able to be intentional about the person I was dating, because someone else was always round the corner."

"The other advice I couldn't stand is the idea that you have to be fully 'healed' and happy on your own before you're allowed to look for someone else," Stroud continued. "You're forever a work in progress. The right person is someone you get to grow alongside. Waiting to be a fully healed individual just means you never start."

Other advice single men are sick of hearing:

"'Put yourself out there.' I'm out there, I'm doing activities and trying to meet people. It's not that easy." — Simon S., 34

"When people tell me to 'Strive to be the best version of myself' before I settle down. Can't I grow with a person?" — Callum M., 26

"My married friend always tells me to 'Send out the right vibes.' Could you be more vague?" — Daniel A., 30

"I'm sick of being told 'Love will find you when you least expect it or aren't looking for it.' So I shouldn't go on dating apps or ask people out? How is it supposed to happen then?" — Sammy M., 34

"'Choose a good pickup line.' Are we still doing pickup lines in 2026?" — Iain C., 42

"When they say 'Just be a good person'... that doesn't seem to be enough nowadays." — Adam L., 31

"'Pay for everything.' Don't get me wrong, I want to treat my date, but I can't afford to go wild and keep that up forevermore. I need us to be on the same page about money." — Andrew B., 35

"Not specific advice, but I hate when my coupled friends who met in like college try to give me advice as a man dating in his 30s. They have no idea what it's like out there." — Paul B., 33

"When they ask if I'm using dating apps, what do you think?" — Phil C., 26

"'Marry your best friend.' He's taken!" — Ben C., 24

"When people offer super toxic masculine advice about 'Be a man' or 'be dominant.' It just seems like a bad idea to me." — Joe C., 25

"People always tell me to 'Wait over a day to text her after the date,' but I think it's rude. If I like her, I want to thank her for a nice date right after." — Matt M., 36

"When my straight friends give me dating advice as if the same things work for women and men. Gay guys are so different." — Tom T., 30

"'Don't seem too interested in her.' I hate downplaying my feelings, and I don't think hard to get really works with the right women." — Simon A., 35

Rather than focusing solely on the pitfalls of dating, Stroud highlighted the importance of approaching relationships with honesty and realistic expectations. Before looking for a partner, it's worth considering whether you genuinely want to build a relationship or are simply drawn to the idea of being in one. As Stroud explained, "There's a difference between truly wanting a relationship and being in love with the idea of one."

He also stressed that a healthy relationship requires consistent effort from both people. This means remaining curious about one another, showing kindness and thoughtfulness, and making time for the relationship to grow. As he put it, relationships require "a serious amount of work from both people," as well as "actually making space in your life for someone else instead of squeezing them in."

Stroud also encouraged people to be more flexible about what they're looking for in a partner. Rather than holding out for a supposedly perfect match, he suggested recognizing that compatibility can take many forms. "There's no such thing as 'the one,'" he explained, pointing out that there are many people with whom we could build a meaningful connection.

Ultimately, finding a lasting relationship is less about discovering a predetermined soulmate and more about making a conscious choice to build a life with someone. As Stroud put it, the person you choose to be with is "the person you choose to work through difficult moments with" and someone whose imperfections you can see while still choosing to stay. It's this ongoing commitment, rather than the pursuit of perfection, that can help a relationship stand the test of time.

And that generic advice about finding love when you least expect it? Toss it in the garbage, thanks.