Too Young to Grieve Belfast: The young people helping each other process grief

Luke Alfano was 21 when his dad, who just two weeks earlier had been diagnosed with cancer, died.

At the time, Luke did not know what to do or where to turn.

Five years later, he founded Too Young to Grieve, a community offering young people a casual space to "have a moan, have a laugh, talk about your grief and just know that people understand you".

The group is based in more than 20 locations, including London, Manchester, the US and Australia - and now, Belfast.

Losing someone you love is never easy. But for Luke, the shock of his dad dying so suddenly, and so early in Luke's life, was especially difficult.

"I lost my dad when I was 21. I didn't feel like there was much out there for young adults experiencing loss," Luke told BBC News NI.

"That initial first year or two, I didn't really know what was going on.

"I didn't know what this thing called grief was, I just ignored it."

It was not until Luke, then 25, lost his grandmother that he realised he had "not really processed" his dad's death.

"That experience was a trigger to think back to what happened with my dad and think I don't want to experience that again, so let me try and understand it a bit more," he said.

Luke founded Too Young to Grieve, which offers young people who have experienced grief the opportunity to meet in person, with activities ranging from walks and hikes, to pottery painting and football tournaments.

"When you're 18 to 35, you're grieving someone that most people are going to turn to for a lot of the most important decisions in your life," he said.

"You just want to talk about your person, or just have a space to talk about how you're feeling."

When Chris Guiller's dad died at the age of 57, just five months after being diagnosed with cancer, it came as a shock to the whole family.

"You think you have your parents until later on in life, so when it comes at such a young age, it's difficult," he told BBC News NI.

As a young person, he felt isolated by his grief.

"I didn't have people around me that understood what I was going through," he said.

Almost two years later, Chris now runs the Belfast branch of Too Young to Grieve - an experience he describes as "fantastic".

"You know you're not going through it by yourself. What you're feeling is normal," he added.

In 2025, two days before Christmas, Katherine Macauley's fiancee Peter died following an accident at work.

"I still can't believe that it's real," the 32-year-old said.

Though she believes her grief will "never end", her hope is to find "ways to cope" with it.

And one such way has been Too Young to Grieve.

"Too Young to Grieve is a really lovely way of bringing people together that are in similar situations," she said.

"You feel that you're actually not alone and that other people can have some shared experience with you, and that you can learn from that and you can comfort each other through that.

"It's a really, really wonderful community and group of people."

Luke Alfano said he would like to see resources around grief and coping with bereavement better signposted in schools and universities.

Last year, the Department for Education published statutory guidance that said lessons on loss, grieving and bereavement should take place in primary and secondary schools from September 2026.

However, no such guidance exists in Northern Ireland.

A spokesperson for the Department of Education said "schools have pastoral care policies and structures" so that children know who they can contact if they require support regarding bereavement.

"In terms of curriculum, the Council for the Curriculum, Examinations and Assessment has provided a range of resources which address grief, loss, and bereavement both at primary and post-primary level," they said.

In 2017, William Gregg's mother died. At the time, he did not know "how to handle it".

"It tore me apart for a little while, I sort of lost my way," he said.

"It can be quite catastrophic and emotionally damaging."

William said Too Young to Grieve had been "very helpful".

"It's good to know that there people out there who have gone through something similar and are able to talk about it.

"Whenever I was young, I didn't really have anybody to talk to."

He added that the community has been especially beneficial for his mental health, as the group gives him a space to "express yourself freely".

He said that socialising was especially important for people who were grieving, as they often will not leave the house.

He explained that Too Young to Grieve helped people "build friendships so you have a community around you that you can fall back on".

Chris said the group was "really needed" in Northern Ireland, a region academics have previously said spends less on mental health services per head than other regions, despite having "more complex cases".

"The mental health side of things over here is a bit further behind than other parts of the UK and Ireland," he said.

"You need something like this here because there are a lot of people suffering out there that think they're alone. And they're not.

"I know my dad would be extremely proud."

Luke said the group has helped him grieve.

"Having the opportunity to share things about my dad has given me a great perspective on grief, and it's helped me on my own healing journey as well," he said.

So what does Luke think his dad would make of the group built in his legacy?

"My dad wanted me to be a professional footballer. Unfortunately I wasn't quite good enough.

"But in terms of the community we've built, it could fill a lot of professional stadiums."

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