“Emotional Hangovers” Are More Common Than You Think—Here’s How to Bounce Back

An "emotional hangover" happens because intense feelings—whether positive or negative—activate the nervous system in the same demanding way, using up significant energy regardless of whether the emotion was positive or negative.

Recovery starts with basic self-care before and after big emotional events: getting enough sleep, eating well, staying hydrated, and doing something enjoyable to "fill your emotional resource bucket."

Practicing sharing smaller, everyday emotions (rather than letting them build up) can help prevent bigger emotional crashes—and treating yourself with compassion afterward, rather than self-criticism, speeds recovery.

If you find yourself absolutely exhausted the day after something emotionally big happens, you may have experienced an "emotional hangover." Basically, regardless of whether those feelings were positive or negative (i.e., your best friend's wedding or a huge fight with your spouse), experiencing big emotions can leave you feeling emotionally (and physically) depleted the next day, like a hangover from drinking too much alcohol. Ahead, psychologists explain why emotional hangovers happen, and how to recover from them more quickly so you can get back to feeling like your best self.

Tracy King , clinical psychologist at Dr. Tracy King

Jennifer Veilleux , professor of psychological science at the University of Arkansas and a licensed clinical psychologist

Feeling big, intense emotions activates our nervous systems and causes us to shift into self-protection mode, which "continually adjusts our alertness, heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, and attention in response to what is happening," says clinical psychologist Tracy King. Being in that state for a prolonged period of time uses up a lot of energy, and for people who are not used to "experiencing frequent or intense emotions," the hangover can be even more intense, adds Jennifer Veilleux, professor of psychological science at The University of Arkansas.

"Big emotions also take more energy to try to manage or regulate," Veilleux says. "In a difficult conversation, for example, you might share your feelings (e.g., cry, yell), but you also might want to listen and pull your feelings back to listen to the other person. All of that takes effort, which means that having the emotion and trying to manage it uses up energy."

She also notes that difficult conversations usually have an emotional buildup, which can also be depleting. "Difficult conversations don't usually come from out of nowhere; they occur after we fret and stress about what to say and how to say it," Veilleux says. "So the physical tension that comes with anticipating emotions builds long before the actual difficult conversation itself."

This buildup can also happen for any emotional event, and when the event is over, it can leave you feeling extra fatigued. You likely also spend even more energy processing the event, what was said, and how you felt about it.

"Our brains can also continue to process events after [they've ended] by replaying conversations and interpreting the reactions of others to try to make sense of what the experience meant to us and others," King says. "If the event included a lack of sleep, alcohol, lack of food, lots of noise (essentially any other external or internal stressor), then the emotional load is higher, and the risk of hangover also increases."

Why Happy Events Can Also Cause Emotional Depletion

The reason why big positive emotions can cause the same emotional drain as big negative ones is that both kinds of emotions activate the nervous system in the same way.

"Excitement and anticipation all require us to be responsive. The body responds the same way to excitement as fear, and the mind is what interprets which of those it is," King explains. "Even a seemingly joyous Christmas dinner may require a person to talk to lots of family, watch and prepare cooking, plan gifts, and feel excited and emotionally safe with people [they] love, but it is still demanding activation within the nervous system."

How to Recover From Emotional Hangovers More Quickly

The first step to recover from emotional hangovers is by practicing sharing "low-level" (or less intense) emotions more frequently . "When we allow and share low-level emotions, they don't get as big. Just like having one drink doesn't result in a hangover for most people, neither does sharing real but less intense emotions," Veilleux says.

Another way is through taking care of yourself extra well before and after these big emotional events. "If you know you're likely to experience big emotions, try to get some sleep, eat some food, and do something pleasurable ahead of time (e.g., watch a favorite show) to fill your emotional resource bucket. And then after a big emotion, refill your energy with sleep, food, water (i.e., attend to your body)," Veilleux says.

She says to also treat yourself with compassion while processing these feelings. "Remind yourself that emotions are natural; it's OK to have them, and just naming the feeling by saying something like, 'Whew, I'm tired from that sadness and all the crying, but I'm glad I got it out," is less harsh than saying, 'I shouldn't have cried; I should be able to keep it together.' The latter is likely to induce a secondary emotion, whereas the first statement shows compassion," Veilleux adds.

The emotional hangover should subside, but Veilleux notes that if it doesn't (AKA low-grade anxiety and fatigue persist), it may be worth speaking with a mental health professional.

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