'You’re Welcome': The Golden Age of College Football Coach Quotes is upon us

Nineteen years ago this week, Mike Gundy served up from the podium one of the finest lines in college football history. Railing about the media criticism of his Oklahoma State Cowboys , he bellowed, "Come after me! I'm a man! I'm 40!" Defiant, petulant, aggressive, ridiculous — the line embodied college football in a single soundbite, and it'll live forever.

In the two decades since that declaration, we haven't seen a press conference eruption that comes anywhere near that. (Unfortunately, for pageviews' sake.) But look around, and you'll notice we're entering a new Golden Age of Coach Quotes, with Lane Kiffin, John Sumrall, Curt Cignetti, James Franklin and (of course) Deion Sanders leading the charge with humor, brutal honesty and absurdity. Why offer bland platitudes about your team when you can just threaten to throw a podium at a reporter?

One more reason why college football makes for a better show than its NFL counterpart: coaches understand, either intentionally or unconsciously, that this is all a performance and they're key players in the show. NFL coaches largely traffic in deliberately bland "We're on to Cincinnati"-style declarations; college coaches fling themselves headlong into half-constructed colorful metaphors or dicey opinions, often with no idea how to get back out.

College coaches have always been quotable — you've got to be a little bit crazy to take this job, and that comes out pretty quickly once you start talking — but for most of the game's history, the quotes tended to be more philosophical than aggressive. Think Bo Schembechler's "Every day you either get better or you get worse. You never stay the same," or "Three things can happen when you throw the football, and two of them are bad," variously attributed to Woody Hayes or Darrell Royal. The sports media of the day helped canonize these men and repeat their most famous lines.

But even the old-timey coaches knew how to wield a quote like a blade. Bear Bryant's famous line about Auburn — "nothing matters more than beating that cow college on the other side of the state" — may as well be carved into granite in Tuscaloosa. Back in the 1930s, TCU's Dutch Meyer unleashed a beast of a motivational quote: "We'll fight 'em until Hell freezes over, then we'll fight 'em on the ice." Now that will get your blood pumping.

Coach quips leveled up, though, when a sarcastic, drawling, visored ex-QB sauntered up to his first microphone. Nobody wielded a quote quite like Steve Spurrier, who stuck it to everyone from Florida State ("Free Shoes University") to Tennessee ("Can't spell Citrus (Bowl) without U-T"). The great Mike Leach took the ball from Spurrier and sprinted, reeling off brilliance and absurdity every week, whether he was discussing his players' girlfriends or lecturing on the historical legacy of pirates, treating both with equal gravity and deadpan wit.

Leach's prime years coincided with the rise of social media, meaning his best rants, quips and meanderings could be clipped and spread wide. Take, for instance, his ranking of Halloween candy:

Like Nick Saban's dynastic run at Alabama, it'll be a long time before anyone ever touches Leach's legacy behind the mic. Rest in peace, you sword-swinging pirate.

Today, the combination of an always-on content machine and a ravenous attention economy opens the door wide for those willing to speak their mind. Our current social climate has trampled some of the longstanding norms of public speaking — in other words, you can talk a whole lot of s*** and not get in trouble for it — and many coaches are taking advantage.

Sanders deserves a bit of credit here — his "I'm bringing luggage, and it's Louis" is an all-timer that only gets better the worse Colorado plays — but given that he's been pontificating since the '90s, he's more like a new Rolling Stones album than a groundbreaker.

The current quotable GOAT has to be Kiffin, who's spent the last decade-plus needling his rivals and trolling the entire sport with dry wit and an assassin's precision. Who else's sideline one-liners ( "Imagine if we had pro players" ) get quoted in court filings? Earlier this week, he took credit — honestly, rightfully so — for the unprecedented environment at Ole Miss last weekend, saying, "The stadium was full an hour early. So, I guess I had to leave to get them to do that. You're welcome."

Also this week, we had Sumrall — who's coming for Kiffin's crown soon enough — declaring that whoever favors Florida over Ole Miss must be on the "good drugs," and Alabama offensive coordinator Ryan Grubb ripping his own fans to pump up his team . That's on top of the persistent "Hey Michael" from Virginia Tech's Franklin, and Georgia's Kirby Smart saying his players were doing drills during blowouts because they're "not getting enough work."

All these quotes are nothing but good news — the coaches look more human, the games take on more meaning, the media gets more content, the fans get more to rally behind, the enterprising t-shirt makers get more material. College football is on an inexorable trajectory toward more restrained, dull professionalism, but as long as the weirdos in charge feel free to speak their mind, the sport will keep its chaotic streak alive.

So, who's next? Chances are we won't have long to wait. The next press conference gem is only one ugly loss and a hot microphone away.