Raised by a tough father, Captain Mark Phillips, who rarely praised her, Zara Tindall says she is trying to parent her children differently

Zara Tindall, Olympic silver medallist and granddaughter of Queen Elizabeth II, knows what it’s like to grow up under high expectations. Both her parents, Princess Anne and Captain Mark Phillips, were Olympic equestrians. You’d think that would set a pretty daunting standard. But for Zara, the real pressure didn’t come from her royal ties; it came from her parents’ focus on hard work, discipline, and a drive for excellence. Especially her father’s coaching style shaped her understanding of success, and now, it’s helping her decide how she wants to parent her own kids.When Zara, a mother of three and the British Olympic silver medallist, looks back, she remembers a childhood packed with horses, chores, and a constant effort to live up to her father’s demanding standards. Recently, on the Talk Horse podcast, she candidly shared how tough her father could be. Praise from him? Incredibly rare. For a young girl, a simple “Yeah, that was good” felt almost impossible to earn. His expectations forced her to keep aiming higher; she admits she always wanted that elusive approval, even when it seemed just out of reach.Princess Anne, on the other hand, took a more laid-back approach, offering encouragement and letting Zara push at her own pace. The contrast wasn’t lost on Zara. One parent gently nudged, the other gave direct, sometimes blunt instructions for improvement.Growing up under a strict parentPart of growing up with that level of intensity meant having responsibilities that went well beyond the royal image outsiders might imagine. Zara and her brother, Peter, had barn chores like anyone else. They cleaned tack, mucked out stables, and spent their free time immersed in the practical side of equestrian life. There was no easy route or special treatment just because of their family name. For Zara, that was a lesson in earned respect, one that’s deeply influenced how she sees effort and accomplishment."My father was quite critical. Very rarely you would get a, 'Yeah, that was good' out of him. So it was always striving to try and get that comment," she said, describing him as a "tough coach".For a young athlete, constantly trying to earn a parent's approval can be a demanding experience.On the other hand, " Mum's very relaxed," Zara recalled, explaining that her mother would encourage her to simply do what she could. Her father's approach, however, was more direct, with instructions to do more, improve further and correct what was not working.From a demanding childhood to Olympic successHer parents’ backgrounds helped set the tone. Captain Mark Phillips wasn’t just some authoritative father; he was a gold-medal-winning Olympic rider for the British eventing team in 1972. Princess Anne broke new ground herself as the first royal to compete in the Olympics, representing Great Britain in Montreal in 1976. Growing up at Gatcombe Park, surrounded by horses, Zara and her brother learned early on that achievement in equestrian sport had to be backed by commitment and genuine grit. Her parents made it clear: the doors might open, but only hard work would keep them open.All of this molded Zara into a serious competitor. Her breakthrough came in 2006 at the World Equestrian Games in Aachen, Germany, when she won individual gold, which is a feat that made her one of Britain’s top equestrians and earned her the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award. Then, at the 2012 London Olympics, she added a team silver medal, handed to her by her own mother, Princess Anne, in a memorable family moment. While she credits her father’s tough coaching with preparing her for the realities of elite competition, she acknowledges that sometimes it felt overwhelming.Why Zara Tindall is trying to be a gentler parent to her three childrenNow, as a mother of three, Zara finds herself thinking about all of this, where it helped her, where it left her wanting something different. She shares three children with her husband, former England rugby international Mike Tindall. Their daughters, Mia Grace, 12, and Lena Elizabeth, eight, and their son, Lucas Philip, five, are growing up surrounded by horses, competition, family tradition, and the same sporting environment that shaped their mother's childhood.On the podcast, she described a recent moment with her eldest daughter, Mia. She offered a bit of riding advice; Mia rolled her eyes. The funny thing? Zara realized she’d given the same advice to her nieces, who took it in stride. Clearly, there’s a generational pattern here, one she recognizes from her own childhood, raising a smile even as she tries to approach things differently than her father did.Zara is honest about the pressure she felt growing up. She doesn’t deny that her father’s critical edge built her resilience, and she’s grateful for the work ethic it instilled. But with her own kids, she’s making a conscious choice to hold back a bit. She wants to push them to do their best, sure, but not to the point where they feel approval is a prize they might never win. She knows too well what it’s like to crave a parent’s positive word, and how easy it is to let those high expectations come to define you.Breaking the cycle: Can parents be ambitious without being overly critical?This is a challenge that many parents face, not just those in the public eye. When does discipline cross the line into unnecessary pressure? How do you nurture ambition without making your child think their effort is never enough? Zara seems to be choosing a more compassionate path. She wants her children to understand the rewards of hard work, but she’s just as determined to show them that encouragement and recognition matter, too.And if Mia’s eye rolls are proof, the next generation won’t be shy about telling her when enough advice is enough. It’s a balancing act: carrying forward the best parts of what you were given, while letting go of the burdens that shouldn’t have to be passed on. For Zara Tindall, it’s about building a family legacy that isn’t just about winning medals, but about raising kids who love what they do and feel good about who they are, no matter what score the judges give.You use AI every day. Now get your AI Quotient. Take the AIQ testGet the latest Lifestyle News and more. Download the TOI app.