Psychologist Adam Grant Reveals 3 Telltale Signs You’re Connecting With Someone on a Deeper Level

Adam Grant, Ph.D., professor at Wharton Business School and organizational psychologist, is known for his unique insights on how people interact with one another — and his new book “Vibe” is no exception. It looks at the science of friendship and other forms of human connection, from love to professional companionship, because there’s such a wide range of contexts in which you might find yourself getting along with someone new. With everyone spending more time on screens and perhaps still feeling rusty with social exchanges due to the pandemic, Grant’s tips on how to tell if a connection is worth your time are especially helpful. Mental Health Tip of the Day: 3 Easy Signs You’re Connecting With Someone Perhaps you’re really enjoying a conversation with a former classmate or easily cracking jokes with someone completely new to you. It’s worth noting how these interactions are making you feel, especially if one of these three signs of true connection comes up, Grant tells TODAY.com: You have a sense that time is flying.You like yourself better interacting with them versus others; you feel more engaging and charismatic.You can finish each other’s sentences, which “suggests real chemistry,” Grant says. Why It Matters Social connection is one of the core components of a healthy lifestyle, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Research shows it can protect against signs of aging and chronic disease, such as heart conditions, stroke, dementia and depression. In fact, social connections can help you sleep better, reduce anxiety and boost physical activity. How to Get Started When you form a new connection with someone or reignite an old one, it’s important to figure out “what kind of bond you’re trying to build,” Grant says. “There’s some strong evidence showing that if you go to different friends for different things, you actually have higher well-being than people who go to one friend for everything. It’s hard to put all your eggs in one basket,” he explains. In his new book, Grant outlines a few different types of bonds: Allies: people you pursue goals withPals: people you have fun withCompanions: people you confide in “If you want to be allies with someone, ask them what’s your biggest goal this year, or what’s the biggest challenge you’re running into, and then you try to help them, and you you start to build a closer bond that way,” Grant explains. “If you want to be pals, find a common interest and start hanging out around that. You might invite them to pickleball or karaoke, or you might discover a favorite song or a favorite artist and go to a concert together,” he says. “If you want to be companions, you might actually go deep a little faster. You might ask them, ‘What’s your biggest regret?’ Or you might share a mildly embarrassing thing that happened to you, and that’s a way of signaling that you trust them and you want to have real conversations with them.” While it may seem awkward to approach new relationships in such a specific and intentional fashion, it has benefits long-term, according to Grant. “If you’re not on the same page with people about what kind of bond you have or what kind you’re trying to build, it’s a recipe for disappointment and even sometimes feeling betrayed,” he says. TODAY’s Expert Tip of the Day series is all about simple strategies to make life a little easier. Every Monday through Friday, different qualified experts share their best advice on diet, fitness, heart health, mental wellness and more.