Therapist Laura Berman Says She’s ‘Still Angry’ at Son Who Died at 16 From Overdose

Relationship therapist Laura Berman has helped countless people navigate through grief as a therapist, but none of her training prepared her for the sudden loss of her own son. Berman announced in 2021 that her son Sam died at 16 after he connected with a drug dealer on Snapchat and bought a pill that was laced with fentanyl and caused him to overdose in his bedroom. Berman found him on the floor and her husband administered CPR but could not resuscitate him. She has now written a book, “Crying Out Loud,” about her experience working through grief over her son’s death, including wrestling with one of its side effects: rage. “You have to move it,” she told Maria Shriver on TODAY Oct. 19. “It will take you out if you don’t move it. Anger turned inward is depression. I’m still angry at Sammy for making such a dumb decision. “I’m angry at myself for whatever I missed or coulda, woulda, shoulda done every minute of that kid’s life,” she added. “And I also know that he wouldn’t want me to blame myself, and that he doesn’t blame me.” “Crying Out Loud,” which comes out Oct. 20, chronicles how grieving her son helped her find a better version of herself. “What I discovered is that grief is like a portal of transformation,” she said. “If you are willing to go into the pain and be with the pain and not run from it and not numb it, it will transform you in beautiful ways.” “I find people stuck in grief, which is all the time, five years out, 10 years out, 20 years out, they are still trying not to feel it,” she continued. “The painful emotions of grief are like waves. And all you need to do is surf them. And that sets you free.” Berman wrote the book for anyone experiencing grief, whether it’s over the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, the death of a loved one or pet, or diminished health. One thing she learned was allowing herself to feel the pain, even if she was in public. “Tears want to come. I’m just going to sit in my car and sob my heart out,” she said. “That will last maybe five minutes. And then it lightens.” Berman started support groups across the country after she and her husband had to learn how to balance grieving their loss while being their for their sons, Ethan and Jackson. “There’s probably an inclination to put on a strong face, be strong for the kids, be something that you’re not, right?” Ethan told Shriver on TODAY. “Don’t hide the meltdowns all the time, you know? You need to be a safe space still for your kid, but also be an honest space.” “I think it’s important to be there for yourself, because if you’re there for yourself, then you can be there for your kids,” Jackson added. Berman said she’s tried to view the grief over Sammy’s loss as a gift. “I like this version of me so much more,” she said. “I have zero tolerance for stupid stuff or things that don’t matter or small talk.” She also cherishes the time she was able to have with her son. “Having Sammy for 16 years and getting to know that beautiful soul was worth it,” she said. “The grief never gets smaller, but we can grow so much bigger around it.” If you or someone you know is struggling with an alcohol, drug or other substance use problem, call the free and confidential helpline of the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357), or visit findtreatment.gov.