After 35 years of marriage, this couple dreads retiring together — a retirement coach explains why it's so common

Linda and Gary have spent 35 years building a life together. They raised kids, paid all the bills, and spent decades working toward the retirement they always imagined they'd enjoy together.

But there's one problem neither of them fully anticipated: What happens when the careers that have structured most of their adult lives suddenly disappear?

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For years, their jobs have given them separate schedules, separate routines, and plenty of time apart. Now Linda and Gary are both preparing to retire — and the idea of having unlimited time together doesn't feel quite as exciting as it once did.

They're not necessarily unhappy — they're just not sure they know how to be a couple without work and kids filling in so much of the space.

That's a retirement question that can be easy to overlook for many couples. It's easy to spend years figuring out how much money you'll need, when to claim Social Security, and whether your savings can support the lifestyle you want.

But there's another question worth asking before you leave the workforce: What will life actually look like once you don't have to go to work anymore?

Retirement can magnify existing marital problems

Retirement doesn't necessarily create problems in a marriage. But it can change the routines, roles, and amount of time couples have together — sometimes in ways they didn't see coming.

For decades, work has given each spouse a schedule, a reason to leave the house, other people to talk to and, perhaps most importantly, some time apart.

A 2020 study that followed 2,117 couples through the transition into retirement found that, on average, both retirees and their partners reported higher life satisfaction after retirement. But the researchers also found plenty of variation from one person to the next, which suggests that there isn't one "right" way to experience retirement.

"Retirement removes some of the routine and distractions that helped couples function during the active parenting and working years," Dorian Mintzer, a retirement coach and co-author of The Couple's Retirement Puzzle , told Moneywise. When one or both spouses stop working, she says, "The dynamics of the relationship change."